Pop quiz: How long does it take to beat a moron to death?

Ladyyyyyyyyyyy. [Still laughing at you, Dist.]

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This is hardly alcoholic.

[Dist gives Ema a flawless stink-eye.]

I suppose you wouldn't be the best judge of femininity; you're fairly masculine.

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[Scout sniffs at the cup.] Aw geez. Ema we gotta a dud here. [He fumbles around and hands you something that practically smells like rubbing alcohol.]

Here, try thi-

Hey! Ya can't have any if yer gonna be insultin' the staff, awright?

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[Ema's own glare is much less flawlessly executed, but that doesn't make it any less vicious. She slams her hands on the table and stands up, trying to make herself more imposing.

The wobble only somewhat hinders the effect.]

Take that back!

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[Dist takes a long drink and shudders, though he doesn't take much time to dwell on it. He pays Scout's comment absolutely no mind.]

No, I won't! You think you can insult me without consequence? You're an idiot!

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Awright buddy, yer cut off! [Scout attempts to scramble over the table and grab the cup back from Dist.]

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[Ema just sticks her tongue out at Dist, content to let Scout do the cutting off.]

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[Oh, Dist won't abide that. He scowls and throws the cup at Ema in response to the taunt before Scout can get a hold of it.]

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[Well you just threw a something at the friend of a very drunk guy who thinks with this fists before anything else. He's taking a swing at you, but thanks to how drunk he is, you might be able to avoid it, Dist.]

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[Ema shrieks when the cup hits her in the face, more out of anger and surprise than pain.] You son of a bitch!

[Who cares if Scout's already trying to punch you, Dist? Ema's on her way over to fucking tackle you.]

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[Dist's reflexes aren't the best currently, due mostly to the medication he's on, so the punch easily lands. He yelps and claps a hand over the bandage on his face; the hit caused it to ache sharply in addition to the pain of getting punched in the face.]

You wretched little-- aah!

[Two on one, that's no fair! Dist isn't heavy; he's knocked easily over, although once he's down he starts to claw frantically at Ema's face.]

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Hey hey HEY. You guys! Watch the merchandise! [The fight momentarily forgotten, he lazily gestures at the table and all the spilled booze.

Then he looks down at the ensuing catfight.]

Oh yeah. Get 'im Ema!

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[Ema grabs for the hands clawing at her face. Upon realizing that her hands are no longer free to hit him back, she does the next best thing her drunken mind can come up with.

She headbutts him.]

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[Dist lets out another startled yelp, momentarily blinded. He recovers quickly though, probably more quickly than would be expected from him.]

Y-you--! If you broke my nose you will pay for it!

[Being pinned to the ground, he is at something of a disadvantage; he jerks on his hands, attempting to free them, and when that doesn't work he leans up and bites into her arm, hopefully startling her enough to get her to release him.]

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[Alright, that's your bro you're biting there Dist. He's scrambling around to you two now and attempting to pull you apart.]

Hey hey, that's enough outta you, pally!

[That's directed at you, Dist. *Obviously* this is all your fault.]

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[Between the force of her own headbutt and Dist biting at her arm, Ema does in fact release his hands... only to be yanked back by Scout as he moves in to separate them. ~~Since that makes the most sense--Ema's lighter and on top of him.~~

Just because she can't hit him doesn't mean she can't scream at him, however.]

You're lucky I didn't stick my fingers into that bandaged eye of yours! That would have showed you!

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You insulted me! I'm not going to just let you insult me with no consequences!

[He scrambles to his feet, reaching up and gingerly touching his nose. It hurts but doesn't feel broken, though there is a small trickle of blood running down his upper lip.]

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[Scout's wobbling a bit on his feet. He pokes you roughly on the shoulder.]

We're just tryin' ta run a business here, chucklehead! We didn't need ya ruinin' a good time.

[To Ema:]

Ya alright there, kiddo?

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Kiddo? I'm older than you.

[Ema feels along her face. Dist got some good scratches in, one of which drew blood, and her head smarts a bit from the ill-thought-out headbutt. However, nothing seems especially serious.] But I think I'm okay... just need a towel and something to wash my face with...

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I can't believe you people are blaming me for this! You insulted me first! Is that your idea of running a business?!

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[You're arguing with 2 very drunk people here. Good luck.]

Hey, it was a... [He searches for the words, then pronounces them very carefully]... legitimate misunderstandin'. Now's everyone gonna be nice 'r am I gonna have ta hit ya again?

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Yeah! So buzz off already! You're scaring our not-crazy customers away!

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[Dist snarled and lunged for Ema, clawing at her face.]

Crazy?! I am not crazy!

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[Scout may be drunk, but he's still fast, and he's grabbing you by the collar, Dist. He pulls you back from Ema roughly, throwing you to the ground. He does not look happy.]

Man, you are so freakin' lucky I'm unarmed! Get the hell outta here!

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